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How many blokes have dreamed of living in a porno movie-style life, jollies on tap, and all your fantasies in the flesh? Do you think it would become too much or boring if every daily situation turned into a porno movie scenario with beautiful sexily clad girls all over the place hungry for your personal attention? Would you be able to maintain the rhythm day in day out or would you end up never ordering a pizza delivery ever again? 27 ways your life becomes a porno movie that you have always dreamed of starring in.

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  • All women wear high heels & lingerie to bed – Gone are the flower-patterned jimjams, curlers, and night face cream, dig those high heels!
  • Men achieve an automatic erection instantly every time – Just like a light switch action you auto control your weaponry as required.
  • Going down on a woman 10 seconds is enough to satisfy every woman – To exercise the strongest muscle in your body just 10 secs a day is more than enough.
  • Any woman caught in the act of pleasuring herself by a stranger will not scream in shame but insist he joins in for full-on sex with her – This one is a popular fantasy but how would you cope if this happened every day?
  • Women would love to have sex with pot-bellied middle-aged guys – Au natural, these guys would lose a few pounds in weight if it were true but keep a cardiac defibrillator on hand though.
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  • Women would reach orgasm at exactly the same time as men – Even though men occasionally obtain this rare unison of enjoyment in real life in a porn movie scene it is guaranteed, stud.
  • All women would sex scream & moan in bed – Before, during, point of orgasm extra loud and after to signal what a prolific sex machine you are.
  • People in the ’70s couldn’t have sex without a wild guitar solo playing in the background
  • These tits and eyes would be real – foto required
  • Men would always groan “Oh! Yes!” the moment you climax – Or I am a God
  • Double penetration always makes women smile – Unless she is being roasted.
  • Asian LadyBoys do not exist – Available by special order only contact your local MP for more info.
  • All women become horny when patted or slapped on her ass – Always good for the quickie.
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  • Nurses give and do the same treatment for all patients – The best placebo ever in medicine, the porno nurse.
  • Women never have a headache or period – status quo in porno land
  • Women are always pleasantly surprised when they open a guy’s trousers and find a rock hard cock inside – See N.2 above.
  • Men never have to beg for a shag – your chance to play hard to get for a change.
  • No such thing as a small penis – you suddenly become hung like a prize stallion in a stud farm.
  • Vans are the best place to have sex with random strangers – Van Go you the complete artist you!
  • Pigtails = teens, schoolgirls & co-eds – Always a huge desire for this one, schoolgirl clobber and you Master of detention.
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  • Lesbians do nothing in the afternoons because they have no job – Eh?
  • Lesbians are never fat or ugly… and they easily become bisexual!
  • Women would look like Vogue models even if they just deliver pizza – remember to give them the spare door key for easy entry.
  • It would be fun to be a gardener/plumber/window cleaner/electrician/estate agent or pool guy – any profession that involves visiting housewives at home ensures a session of sex, debauchery, and a free shower session too.
  • Detention after school? With pleasure – You have to oversee all these naughty girls and teach them a lesson in redemption.
  • Every wife would wear an apron with lingerie to sexually satisfy her husband on his return – Actually, this little fantasy is not far from the real world, I’m sure similar scenarios take place even outside porno movie land on a regular basis, however, in porno land the husband is shagging the new temp secretary and the wife is visited by an encyclopedia salesman and his N.2 above is visible as he inadvertently enacts an N.13 above and follows through with an N.23 above.
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  • Every woman you randomly meet even in a foreign country on a stag do, even if she can’t speak your language, is more than eager to have group sex with you and the rest of the boys.- 11 a side? “Oh, yes”- she loves football !! “15 a side?” – even better, as she loves rugby even more! (btw- have a look here for advice on how to be a real womanizer on your stag do abroad)
  • If you attend a rugby tournament, you can be sure that all-female teams will not only not mind you sneaking to the shower room with them, but they will most likely encourage you to do so! And your beer belly doesn’t discourage them- it makes you even sexier!

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  • If you feel the need to atone for your sins, there is always a “sister of mercy” willing, happy, and eager to release you from the burden. Oddly enough the burden is always located in your crotch area…
  • No matter how long you shoot, you never – never- run out of bullets!
  • That’s porno movie life, how long could you live with it? Test yourself by eating eggs every day for a month, you can cook or prepare them any way you want to give you a variation but essentially they are still eggs and every day. The challenge is on.

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