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Everyone feels resentful at times, it is pretty normal.  However, getting locked into the feelings of resentment can lead to feelings of loneliness and negativity.  It is not a good place to find yourself.  It is a waste of energy. For instance, it would be a complete waste of energy to resent not winning at a casino for blackjack real money (read more at blackjackrealmoney.co.za).  There are ways to avoid feelings of resentment and how to rid yourself of feeling resentful.

Many of us become very proficient at “doing” resentment.  We are able to hide it very well and no-one would suspect that we are carrying around with us so much resentment.  Sometimes even for years.  A person can go his entire life carrying around feelings of resentment.  This takes energy and not a little determination.  A lifetime of energy spent on focusing on resentment could better be spent on something else with more positive results.

It becomes really painful to carry around resentment and at the same time to enjoy life in the process.   Your time is taken up with resentment and there’s little left to enjoy other more positive things.  It is nicer to spend your time feeling happy and joyful.  Feelings of gratitude beat resentfulness and negativity and lead to a fuller and more enjoyable life.

Resentment is a natural human feeling.  We get angry, insulted by some injustice or betrayal and it is normal to feel these things.  However, it is important to let go of the anger and not hold onto it so that it does not become embedded and turn into resentment.  Unfortunately, if we don’t take care of it this is likely to happen and we may find ourselves in a permanent negative state where the world looks bleak rather than sunny.

Some of the physical signs of resentment include the following:

  • A knotted feeling in the stomach
  • Feelings of tightness in the chest
  • A lump in the throat
  • Feelings of tension in the lower back and shoulders.
  • Headaches
  • Difficulty in sleeping

Chances are you are carrying around some resentment if you are experiencing some or any of the above.

So, it is important to free yourself from being burdened by the consequences of hanging onto resentment.  It is important to look at new ways of dealing with situations and things that upset us and to learn skills that will help us to be more in charge and not hold onto feelings of resentment.

The first step

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The first thing to do is to try to figure out your own pattern.  Think of a situation that you have found yourself in where you felt very angry and resentful. What were the kinds of beliefs and thoughts that went through your mind at that time? Did you have specific beliefs about the person who made you angry and resentful?   Are any of those beliefs or thoughts some of the following:

  • You’re thinking you are better than me.
  • This situation is not fair.
  • You think you’ll get away with it.
  • You don’t understand.
  • You are not listening to me.
  • You are a disappointment.
  • This is a betrayal.
  • There is nothing I can do.
  • I have no control.

Chances are you felt some of these feelings or similar ones.

The second step

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Well, the second step is understanding what the above list of feelings or beliefs is telling you. Basically, I have little control or power and am subject to the other person’s will. They have power over me and how I feel and there is nothing I can do to change it.  These thoughts lead to helplessness and the feeling that only the other person’s change of attitude or apology will make you feel better.

The third step

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The important step here is to put the brakes on and to do some rethinking.  You need to realize that you are giving away your power. To give all your power away is not a safe place to be in. No one has it all right.  It is dangerous to allow all your feelings to be subject to how others treat you or the feelings that they may be able to trigger in you. But there are things that you are able to do.

Try to locate and recognize when and what triggers you. For everyone, it will be something different.  For some, it could be when service providers fail to provide what they have promised and then are rude when the problem is brought to them, refusing to acknowledge any failure.   It’s frustrating and infuriating not to be heard. This leads to feelings of helplessness and resentment.  Powerlessness.

The fear is really all about feeling helpless and not being able to do anything about it. It takes us back perhaps to a place and time when we really were helpless and unable to help ourselves and small children.  However, we need to understand that we are no longer helpless children and we are able to do something about the current situation. We are able to do a number of things including some of the following:

  • We can just walk away.
  • We can lodge a complaint.
  • We can choose not to fight this battle.
  • We can choose that this is not something I wish to engage in.
  • We can make a conscious decision that life is too short to get hung up on this.

The fourth step

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It is important and necessary to prepare yourself when you are going into situations or meeting people who might trigger you. So being aware is crucial.   Before going into the situation, it is worth reminding yourself some of the following things:

  • Think about your own self-worth.
  • Think about the possibilities of what might happen.
  • Think about your dignity.
  • I have a choice about whether to engage or not.
  • I can walk away and choose something or someone else.

We are all responsible for the choices we make.  Feeling resentment is normal and understandable.  However, feeling too much resentment, and getting stuck in it is not useful. It is not good for your wellbeing, physically or emotionally.   We are able to break those patterns but it does take energy and determination.

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