The reality of rookie dating, is that you still don’t know how to navigate a relationship properly. It’s a matter of learning as you go.
I didn’t have my first date until my first year of college. Shocking, I know. But, I came from one of those traditional Indian families. And that meant, no dating ever. I’m exaggerating though. In my family at least, I wasn’t allowed to date until college. I got my first boyfriend in the early days of September 2014. Literally the first thing I did. And it was amazing. Being in a relationship for the first time felt liberating, and so blissful. I remember staying up late and watching horror movies in his dorm room, and the late-night conversations that would go on for hours. We would even help each other study, so academics were never on the backburner. I was happy. I felt wanted.
1. Cue Breakup Song
All good things must come to an end unfortunately. There may be times when you want to force the relationship for the sake of being in one. In doing so, you are only hurting and fooling yourself. I know I tried reasoning with myself, talking myself out of it. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. The longer I delayed it, the worse I felt. I didn’t feel that spark anymore, and I hated myself for it. Four months later, that following January, we broke up. So ended my first ever relationship. You may be looking for some juicy, gossip-worthy reason for our break up. But you’d be looking in all the wrong places. It was mutual, amicable. We simply stopped having feelings for each other, and it happens. That initial spark just wasn’t there anymore. I was somber for a while, missing the times we spent together, but I eventually got over it. I moved on.
2. Friends With an Ex
It really depends on how the breakup went. If it was friendly and amicable, I would encourage being friends with your ex, maintain that friendship. However, bad breakups should never lead to friendship. That only leads to heartbreak. But you already knew that. Any relationship that ended well, is only the beginning of a friendship. For a while, my ex and I were amazing friends. We hung out several times post-break up. There was no awkwardness whatsoever. Just be true to yourself.
3. Moving On
There will be times when you miss the relationship, the giddiness, the fun, the laughter. Sometimes, when I was alone with Netflix and ice cream, I would recall those memories. When I felt lonely, I remembered how it felt back then, to have someone. It felt amazing then, but I knew I had to move on. I have an amazing friend group, and they never make me feel lonely. The laughs and memories I share with them remind me that I’m not alone.
These are the things I remember as I go on my first official date after nearly three years. I know it’s okay to reminisce and ponder. But as I’ve said before, it is healthier to move on.