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Asian Pacific American Heritage Month
I have listened to countless friends tell me their “fuckboy” stories, time and time again. I could not believe some of the things that the men of our generation were not only allowing to become valid thoughts in their minds. But, that they were also putting these ideas out into the world and saying these things to the women around them. Is that how your mom raised you? I have always tried to follow my mom’s advice when thinking about the people I date: “would you be proud if your own child said that to someone they’re dating?”. And let me tell you, I would be 100% disappointed with my own child if they said some of the things I’ve heard.
Even more infuriating, as women, we’re supposed to put up with it. It has become an acceptable joke to talk to or date a “fuckboy”. This is just what the dating world is like now, right? No, it’s not required to perfect the art of playing the game; texting at the right time, not saying too much, not saying too little and all the other nuances that go along with the modern dating game. What should be talked about is that it’s not a joke to put yourself down and allow someone to disrespect you.
There is nothing wrong with having a progressive mindset towards dating and sexual expression. More power to anyone that is comfortable with hookup culture- there should be no degradation associated with embracing your sexuality. But, there is something wrong with the dialogue that anyone, male or female, should put up with when being treated as a second choice or just an option. It might seem like the easier option to go along with these modern dating constraints. But from experience, the majority of the time these endless hookups, nonchalant attitudes, and the avoidance of anything genuine, is never worth it. If you don’t want to “chill”, and you want to be taken out on an actual date, don’t settle. Stand up for what you want.
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You don’t have to follow the modern dating rules to be able to participate in the modern dating world. Live life according to your own rules, follow your intuition. While it may seem idealistic, someone will be right there alongside you. It might be someone you date, or it might be friends with similar values. Others may judge you for being different, but you definitely don’t want to waste your time with people who don’t support you.
When you look back at the situations, experiences and relationships where you have been pushed towards second place; most of the time it’s not anger towards anyone else but yourself that will arise. Make a commitment to yourself that the people you put in your life this year will lift you up and empower your life. Whether that is a friend or a romantic relationship, don’t let someone put you down. Let’s respect each other, be honest with each other and be upfront with our feelings. Like we always heard as little kids, treat others how you want to be treated.