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Oh, and it’s official. April Fools’ has officially been changed to April FAILS.
I’m sorry guys. I guess the Kardashians can’t save our country after all. In the now-infamous Pepsi ad, Kendall Jenner sheds a blond wig and joins a protest with an ambiguous message and a cast of strictly attractive demonstrators. The pivotal moment in the ad is when Jenner hands a cop a Pepsi and he drinks it instead of pepper spraying her.
Tuck in, Jerry Seinfeld, because airline jokes have gotten 1000X funnier…. if you like dark humor. Now, the new face of United Airlines is a close-up of a bloody-mouthed doctor. The passenger refused to give up his seat because he needed to treat patients the next day, so the flight crew called in police reinforcements. Thankfully, other passengers with iPhones recorded this abuse so we could all delight in trolling United on social media.
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In his defense, Spicer is faced with the most difficult job ever: making President Trump seem normal. I have a theory that Spicer is verbally failing on purpose so as to lower our expectations. At this point, every time he accurately forms a sentence, I’m genuinely impressed.
President Trump ordered an airstrike on an airfield in Syria. Many criticized the airstrike, pointing to tweets Trump had sent during the Obama administration, in which he’d warned Obama not to get involved in Syria. However, many Americans think it was about time the United States took military action against Assad. But never mind that debate because when President Trump ordered the airstrike, he was eating “the most beautiful piece of chocolate cake.” Just like dark chocolate, the Trump presidency is just oh so bittersweet.
A week later, the U. S. dropped the “mother of all bombs” on what is said to be an ISIS cave complex in Afghanistan. The MOAB is the most powerful non-nuclear bomb in the American arsenal. President Trump didn’t confirm that he’d personally ordered the strike. Rather, Trump had previously authorized the military to do so.
After close consideration of the slew of sexual harassment allegations, Fox finally decided to drop Bill O’Reilly from their programming. Here’s a link to the famous clip of O’Reilly flipping out on Inside Edition. What many people don’t remember is that thirteen years ago, Andrea Mackris filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against O’Reilly. Mackris provided audio recording of a lewd voicemail in which O’Reilly mixed up the words “loofah” and “falafel” and said he wanted to use a “falafel” on Mackris in the shower. Here’s a link to the transcript to prove that I’m not making this up.
With all these cringe-worthy fails going on, we really needed a day this month to unwind and watch cat videos. Unfortunately, it’s rumored that on April 20th, 2017, Ja Rule finalized planning the Fyre Festival.
Known as the Donald Trump of France, Marine Le Pen could very well become the first French female president. Le Pen’s campaign has implemented nationalist and feminist ideals to assert an anti-Muslim agenda. In a comment targeted at Muslims, Le Pen stated, “In France we respect women, we don’t beat them, we don’t ask them to hide themselves behind a veil as if they were impure.”
The biggest fail since, well, earlier this month. Despite glamorous ads promising luxurious accommodations, buying a $12,000 ticket to Fyre Fest proved to be about as risky as ordering a prom dress online.
On Earth Day, thousands of demonstrators across the country participated in the March for Science. Or as Tomi Lahren put it, an excuse for a bunch of “cry-babies” and “snowflakes” to hate on Trump. Lahren also made sure to bash Bill Nye for leading a “crusade” over “weather.” Obviously, Lahren doesn’t know the difference between weather and climate, so that’s yet another fail to add to our list of April FAILS.
Last Saturday, North Korea launched a ballistic missile that FAILed, blowing up over land. In all seriousness, though, there could be a “major, major conflict with North Korea” as stated by President Trump. Time to stalk up on chocolate cake.
Because nothing else could distract us from the existential dread except for a sugary drink that looks like you threw a bunch of bronies into a blender.
Aaand President Trump has almost finished his first 100 days in office. From executive orders reversing environmental regulations, to the immigration ban, to military action in Syria and Afghanistan, so much happened in Trump’s first 100 days that it’s hard to keep track. Here’s a link to recap the president’s actions. Whether you support or oppose President Trump, you can’t deny that this presidency is “unpresidented” by virtue of its meme-worthiness.
May the month of May bring us better news and even better memes.