I was talking to my close friend, Amy a couple of weeks ago about what topics would be interesting for our age group to read. Amy, twenty-year old self-proclaimed diva, is the type of person everyone needs to come across at least once in their lives. The best depiction I can give of her personality when completely off guard— is the ability to create humor comparable to that of Kristen Wiig who also is filled with the natural ability to write for a comedy show as noteworthy as Saturday Night Live (let’s just call her Kristen Wiig Jr. or maybe… Lil Wiig).
Lil Wiig’s quick and initial reaction was to write an article about being confident and comfortable in your independence. I immediately knew this idea would make for a great piece of content considering the stupid amount of people in our generation wasting their college years in unhealthy relationships with others whilst they should first be in a fully committed one to themselves. Lil Wiig went on to make a good point about this topic,
“I’m a firm believer that in order to live a truly happy life and to know who you are entirely, you need to learn how to be on your own and how to become your own best friend.”
-Lil Wiig 2015
Well, well, well. Here’s a piece of advice you don’t see your everyday college sorority girl throwing out. So in honor of Lil Wiig and all the other young thugs out there on the path to self-discovery, this one’s for you.
I want to start off by having you think about the nature of love in intimate relationships that our generation has cultivated. Sure, our hook-up culture would probably be a piece of heaven for any fifty year old man enjoying himself on Chat Roulette right now. I’m sure it will be even better by the time our kids get to college. Can you imagine? I can see it being socially acceptable to make bets with friends on who will have the higher “number” by the end of the year.
What do relationships between your friends and his or her significant other look like? Fully committed? Healthy? More beneficial than destined to end in an unneccesary shit load of baggage? Do the people you know our age in relationships appear to be more happy or sad when it all comes down to it? The following quote was the original intention of what love was created to look like,
“Love is patient,
love is kind.
It does not envy,
it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others,
it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered,
it keeps no records of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil-
but rejoices in truth.
It always protects,
How could you ever dream of lowering your standards when love was created to be this mind-blowing? It’s breathtakingly beautiful and sadly one of the most rare things to find in this world. When reflecting on the nature of the relationships you see in our world today, I’m frightened. After all the shit I’ve done and witnessed in regards to what love does and does not look like between two people: I’m firm in the decision that I will never even consider being with someone I’m not irrefutably positive I am meant to share love with. What’s the point of putting ourselves out there to fill the desire of affection if we are uncertain about the person role in our lives? Obviously, we must “date” around by getting to know anyone and everyone we can before being able to determine who we want to spend our lives with.
It’s crazy to think how desperate some girls today have become to get into relationships. I know everything about this believe me; I used to be one of them. I never talked to anyone in high school I liked enough to get into a with relationship so I think once I got to college I was desperate to find someone in order to begin experiencing the things all of my friends with boyfriends in high school had filled me in on, especially the sexual ones. I wasn’t trying to find my husband; the guy honestly didn’t even need to be that hot— I just needed someone to experience the pleasures every other twenty-something person my age was.
There are many different reasons why we see girls chasing after a relationship, especially at the beginning of college— rookie mistake. Some want experience (in my case), some are the type of girl that need a relationship (never understood this, I’m so god damn independent), and others need someone to be their bitch so they can carry on with their “fabulous” lifestyle. Whatever the reasoning is, we NEED to STOP and here is why:
College is a time for self-discovery.
Do you really believe all of the plans you’ve create for your future life become a reality? Did you really believe you knew what major you’d study in college, what city you’d live in after, and what company you’d be working for? If you can relate to any of these statements please, come with me now— we are going to go on a little journey: back to reality.
The process of self-discovery is defined on Dictionary.com as: “the process of acquiring insight into one’s own character.” The key words we need to consider when understanding this definition are process, acquiring, insight, into, and character. So, if college is the time for self-discovery… does that mean we really had no idea who we were yet before then? Ding ding ding! As high school was also a process, it was different because it was preparing us for the hard real life shit college and life after would bring. Remember in high school when things like what sport you played, who you were friends with, what parties you went to, and who was dating who were of utmost importance? Not to mention totally the first things people thought about when asked to describe what someone was like. As important as those things seemed to us then— what is their biggest significance in our lives today? The answer to that question is— pay attention this is important: to teach us lessons and provide us with the tools needed for more significant future circumstances. Everything we do is essentially giving us one more piece of evidence as to who we are. So that means, if you’re trying to get into a relationship with someone in college— without knowing who you even are yet, you are using the time meant for your own self-discovery to instead get to know who someone else is, someone who most likely will be of little importance in your life five years down the road.
We are a lucky generation. College is pretty much required if we plan on moving out of our parents basements and on with our lives— and that means we are allotted the time to truly get to know ourselves. Think about, in times when college wasn’t as necessary especially for women… this luxury was stolen from them the day they graduated high school and had to start “looking for a husband.”
Maybe our grandmothers have passed down this desperate concern to us in some way or another— Grandma, please stop asking me if I have a boyfriend— but we need to be the ones to realize how time has changed and what that means for our generation of women. Do you want your life to be filled with flourishing spirit? Do you want to be able to feel the passion for you life when you wake up in the morning and in your dreams at night? If there is one circumstance I know it is right to be selfish in: it’s now.
I’m telling you, I wasted the first couple of years of “self-discovery” miserably, chasing boys and relationships thinking it would bring me happiness. Here’s a hint my dip shit self should have taken: if you’re miserable chasing something or one, you aren’t going to be any less miserable once or if you even catch it. The world works in our favor that way. It gives us what we need when the time is right and hits us in the fucking face when we act like idiots and try to pursue things that aren’t currently meant for us.
Although the road to self-discovery is a long and hard process, every once and while we are given indescribable reminders or what I like to call signs telling us we are on the right track. Have you ever had an experience that was entirely unexpected but ended up leaving you with a feeling that is rare and hard to come by? Almost as if something inside of you clicked into place and you’d just found another part of yourself. Those are the moments we are after and the only way we can find them is by following the direction our intuition points us in when we have those indescribable responses to something or someone. I say someone because the responses can also be applied to deciphering whether or not someone is supposed to play a big role in your life. If being around someone allows you to gain constant understanding and contentment with things— it probably means this person is meant to help guide you when times get tougher and your window of clarity needs a little cleaning.
I’ve gotten to this place of understanding because of the times I found myself in places I didn’t belong. I mentioned in my article, “Our Let Downs Lead Us One Step Closer To Our Truth,” that my parents always claim I have to learn things the hard way. I have a very adventurous spirit one that is excited by danger and things I know aren’t good for me. But luckily for you, my stupidity can save you a lot of time, energy, and a lot of emotional damage if you choose to use it wisely. It’s almost as if my spirit seeks adventure regardless of how dangerous it can be to the point of understanding— and the only way for me to fully recover from the defeat is to write pages and pages of reasoning as to why you should and shouldn’t act in certain ways. The thing about the message I am hoping to send through these articles is it’s not based on anything other than real life experience. And although I do not enjoy going through the five stages of grief when defeated by something I was invested in, I do enjoy sitting here writing articles like this making sense of it all knowing there is a possibility that I could be reaching a spirit who is able to make way with the past or gain understanding for the present through relating to human experience. So here’s to making mistakes and falling down face first on the pavement and still somehow finding a way back on your feet. If I can continue to get back up, so can you. If I can be happy and reach a point of contentment with my past— so can you.
The moment I stopped trying to create an identity for myself in relationships, unrealistic expectations for myself, and things whilst in college was the moment an opportunity arose and I had never felt more relieved to feel that “click” inside my soul. At this point in my college career I was a junior in my second semester. From the end of high school to that moment in time, I had morphed into the version of what I’d like to consider a very, very real version of who I was. It’s hard to show true colors in high school and the people that do are the outcasts, the people who stand out the most. The amusing thing is, more than half of the people who make fun of the weirdo’s are secretly jealous of the amount of freedom they have. Freedom to not think twice about being who they are knowing no matter what anyone tries to tell them they are enough and in by being their authentic selves they are allowing themselves to be whole.
These are the people we need to look to as examples of how to live our lives. A synonym for weird on dictionary.com is unnatural— which would mean we live in a society where you’re considered weird if your actions prove to be unnatural compared to the popular opinion of society? It’s more accepted to act naturally towards what society considers to be normal than to even hang around let alone be one of the people who is smart enough to know being “natural” isn’t something you can act on. We’ve literally been brain washed by society into being who they want us to be without even realizing it. I don’t care what people these days consider to be normal, if you want to be fucking normal than block out everyone else’s opinion and just fucking live.
I have truly fucking lived without boundary since the moment my parents dropped me off at college and oh my god let me tell you it has taken me to places high and low but I have never, ever, EVER felt like I’ve had to hide anything about myself from anyone. So, as I learned the other lessons of life I needed to the first couple years of college, I was eventually able to get to that moment in time I was talking about when a piece of my soul clicked in. I got a text from a guy I found online selling front row tickets to Chance The Rapper who just so happened to be performing on my twenty first birthday. I was curious as to how he got such good tickets and he told me he worked for a company called Verge Campus Tour who had an online national publication, which promoted their concert tours on college campuses. I was very intrigued about this and asked him to contact me if he ever had any opportunity down the road— that was exactly the career path I dreamed about doing and definitely one that is hard to get into.
Four months later I woke up to a text about an opportunity to help bring a Verge chapter to our campus. There it was…*click*…my mouth dropped, my heart started racing, and I started dancing around like a fool looking like I had literally just won the lottery. And here I am now, passionately writing to people like you with the hopes of helping you understand how easily you can find your soul *… clicks…* if you take the wisdom and understanding gained from my experiences and use it to your advantage.
At this point in my life I am happy (and so fucking thankful) to be able to say I’m back on my path to self-discovery. Don’t think the journey ends after you receive that college diploma either. You think college is hard— your next step is the mother fucking real world and it is an every day battle to make it out alive (trust me I’ve been observing my sister who just entered it last fall).
In summation— as long as you’re looking for purpose in your life any where other than inside yourself, you might as well be smoking pot and drinking beers from sunrise to sunset seven days a week in your mothers basement. In other words, you’re wasting your precious time my friend! If you want to do something really incredible with your life— just be who YOU are without apology. It really is that simple. And if you are brave enough to stay on your natural path, I promise you your life will turn out to be one you could’ve never dreamed of.
Have the courage to find yourself and the integrity to be an example of truth for those trying to do the same. When you least expect it you’ll find a piece of yourself with a *…click…*.