Someone once told me that dating is just like applying for a job you either know someone and have a reference or you apply online.
The comparison between dating and applying for a job is unreal. Landing your dream guy or dream job is almost an identical process:
If you are one of the lucky ones who happen to have an in at landing your dream job or your dream guy I am so jealous and please don’t talk to me as I am currently dripping sweat off my face at my internship with no AC in hopes I have a job at the end of this. No, I’m totally just kidding like congratz I guess and I wish you nothing but success and happiness and I am totally not bitter. However, if you’re like the rest of us who have to apply online well our journey has just begun:
Step 1. The Perfect
resume Tinder Profile
Your tinder profile picture is E V E R Y T H I N G in the dating world. You pick your best five pictures you have ever taken even if one of them is from a party Sophomore year which clearly lacks the extra ten pounds you’ve put on since then. It’s totally okay to prof it because much like your Tinder profile picture no one tells the truth on their resume. After you have carefully selected your five pictures demonstrating how much fun you are, how tan you are, and most importantly how thin you once were its time to move on to step two.
Step 2. Applying
It is now time to swipe right or left. This is my favorite part because you are only basing your opinion of someone off of their looks and what’s funner than that? You’re right nothing. For those of you who do not know what Tinder is you’re literally #blessed but let me fill you in on what is happening. Tinder takes Facebook profiles within a set distance and allows you to swipe right or left on the profile. If you like what you see or in my case you see that your potential suitor is going to have a lucrative career such as a lawyer or a doctor you swipe right in hopes that they too will swipe right and also marry you and support you. If you do not like what you see you swipe left hoping you never have come across this person again, like ever. After countless swipes and the carpal tunnel in your thumb is beginning to set in you now sit back and wait for some poor sad soul to swipe right on you not knowing how crazy you are.
Step 3. The Interview
After what feels like days but is on average a few hours you get callback telling you to come in for an interview. Which in this case is the opening of the chat feature, you see when both parties swipe right it matches you allowing you two to now talk and get to know each other. You know how sometimes after you leave a job interview you leave wondering why the fuck you even applied for this job because it is literally nothing you want to do well thats the same for Tinder Matches. Not every match is what they are made to seem based of their profile picture because guess what they lie too. That cute preppy boy who totally looks like an a total gentleman and that they have a nice trust fund set away for you to spend is just as shady as the shirtless guy with the washboard abs you swiped left for because he was everything Taylor Swift was singing about in “I Knew You Were Trouble.” You should have swiped left on this asshole too.
Step 4. The Second Interview or Tate (Tinder date)
After you filter out all the dick heads who are way beneath you and guys who are holding a baby in their profile picture and you’re not sure if that baby is their own child or a relatives but you can’t chance it so you swipe left anyways. You find your very own tinder prince who was worth the wait. You two exchange numbers, maybe even, dare I say it, social media accounts. It’s time for the face to face second interview or what I like to call a tate. The tate is crucial to landing your now dream guy. You have to sell yourself to get them to hire you because there are plenty of people trying to snag your job but more importantly they have to
pay win you over as well. After the tate one of two things will happen he will either call or he doesn’t.
Step 5. Did you get the job?
Basically if you two hit off and they call then feel free to delete Tinder off your phone and enjoy your new found happiness but if the “tate” blew up in your face than its time to start the whole process again this time tweaking your resume making it that much more untouchable. Don’t feel bad though because like most jobs not all tinder relationships last and tinder will end up back on your phone without you even realizing it… not that I would know or anything. I mean not everyone’s tinder boyfriend ruins their life.
Overall dating and applying for a job are basically fraternal twins. Although it might take some hard work the final outcome is worth it. Just remember every shitty job or boyfriend is only experience to add to the resume and to help you find what you’re really looking for. If it doesn’t work out on the first try don’t stop putting yourself out there you never know who could swipe right 😉