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Life is Too Short, Be Happy
On Tinder, you come across many different characters, each more hilarious than the one before. Next thing you know, your fingers are cramping and you’ve got an inbox full of messages. Sometimes it works out, and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s a different experience for every user, but one thing doesn’t seem to change at all, and thats the stereotypes you meet (with only slight variations). Here are the 15 types of guys you’ll probably come across while swiping on Tinder this summer, none of which are mutually exclusive:
This guy will use the cheesiest, most over-used pick up line to initiate conversation with you…and every single other girl he messages. I mean hey, sometimes they are really funny, so at least you’ll get a good laugh.
This guy kind of reminds me of The “One-Liner” in that he doesn’t ease into things, he’s got his eye on the prize. Sadly, he lacks the wit and charm we saw before, leaving us with a striaght forward guy that really just wants to get in you pants no matter what. Expect messages like “DTF?” or “you’re so sexy” from this guy, and then run very far away (or don’t, if you’re into that).
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This guy’s profile is packed with mirror selfies at the gym or just plain shirtless, either way we are getting major d-bag vibes. He loves his abs more than he’ll ever love you, I promise.
This guy is everywhere, especially when you’re home for the summer. You swipe right on him because you had a class with him in high school or have mutual friends now, just out of curiousty, and then he hits you with a flirty message that reveals he’s actually been interested in you this whole time. The worst part is, now he thinks you’re into it too because you matched! It’s awkward to not reply but even worse if you do, so I don’t have the most fullproof advice on how to react in this sitaution. Just remember, if you see someone you know on Tinder, proceed with caution.
If you live near a major city like I do, you’ll see this guy a lot. He’s probably the maximum miles away that you’ve requested because he’s so deep in the city doing a summer internship at some corporate financial office where he’s exerting all the renowned econ-major knowledge he’s received during his first two years (so far) at some annoying middle-America university no one’s heard of. Basically, this guy will have no time to ever meet up with you because he’s at the office full time and taking full advantage of your local bar scene on the weekends with his older co-workers (to impress them with the skills he picked up being a Phi-Kappa-A-hole), where he’ll probably pick up lots of chicks…wait, why is he even on Tinder? Just, swipe left before you get too invested, as the button-ups and slacks can be very convincing.
This guy is a *yawn*. The only terms in his vocabulary are “hey” “whats up” “not much” and “wbu.” My eyes are rolling so far back into my head I can see my brain, something this guy lack. Give me some substance or nothing at all. Next!
This guy is almost worse than The “Hey” Guy because he doesn’t even send you words, he just sends gifs. One or two can be cute, but this guy is ruthless and does his best to uphold an entire conversation with just gifs. This guy makes absolutely no sense. To find the gifs, you gotta type out words, so just send me the words, is that so hard?
This guy seems genuine and cool at first, but don’t be fooled. You’ll exchange in some meaning full back and forth for a few hours and then out of nowhere, without warning, he won’t reply to you ever again. This can happen due to a lul in the conversation, but it’s usually mid-convo and just plain rude in my opinion. Boys, why do you do this? Let me know in the comments.
No affiliation to the Batman villain, this guy will give you the ultimate brain exercise when scrolling through his pictures. Sharpen your cognitive skills by trying to figure out which guy he is out of his set of ONLY group pictures, some of which featuring the same friends. Not only will you be disappointed after 10 minutes of searching each picture for “what stayed the same,” chances are he ISN’T the cute one from picture 4. Rule of thumb: if all his pictures are group pictures, save yourself the effort and swipe left.
Like I said earlier on, none of these male archetypes are mutually exclusive, and that especially refers to this guy (who is mostly every guy you’ll see on here). This guy has lots of pictures of him drinking (usually accompanied by some signage featuring any three-character-greek-letter combo), at clubs, with random scantily dressed girls, and just generally in party environments. I’d say it’s a 50/50 chance this guy is a major d***. On the one hand, it’s college so who isn’t partying, but on the other hand, almost everyone goes out so why advertise it like it’s so special? What do you have to prove? If partying is his only hobby, you probably won’t be able to squeeze more than a lunch date out of him, just sayin’.
This guy comes in all shapes and forms but we really can’t help but laugh at his very defensive bio that reads “that’s not my kid” or “she’s my sister” to eliminate any possibility of left swipes from girls who think the baby in picture three is his son or the girl he’s got his arm around in picture one is his girlfriend. But the initiative this guy takes almost seem ungenuine. Wouldn’t you just explain it to girls who ask? I mean that might not be where every mind wanders. What I’m getting at is, I’m not convinced: that’s definitely your kid and so totally your girlfriend.
This guy shares something significant with the infamous Broadway character and that’s how little of his face we can see in any of his picture (which completely lacks the alluring mystery and charm exhibited by his predecessor). This guy maneuvers this in different ways: wearing sunglasses in EVERY PICTURE, having pictures that show only his profile or back of his head, or the infamous Snapchat filter pictures, all of which do me no favors. These games, I don’t like to play them. Hard pass.
Bio’s reading “17 not 23” or “16 not 18” flood your feed from these guys, leaving you wondering 1) why are high schoolers on here and 2) do you want me to get arrested?
I have tried so hard to understand where this guy is coming from, or what his end goal is, and to this day I have no answers. This guy’s only pictures will, no exaggeration, be strictly memes. No pictures of himself, at all. It’s even better when their bio is blank. You literally give me nothing to work with, all I’m faced with is a subpar attempt at comedic relief. Do these guys even use this thing? Do they get matches? Are the meme’s just supposed to do all the talking? Someone help me understand.
This guy is honestly inevitable, especially at our age when everyone strives to be an artsy hipster and go against the grain (but so many people do this, so is it really different? Are you really unique? Food for thought). This guy’s pictures will all have been taken on some fancy Canon camera and filtered as all hell. He will probably be wearing some round, thick-framed glasses in at least one picture and Vans like they’re going out of style (they’re not and they never will). This guy also has his Instagram connected to his account, featuring all of his overly artsy yet amateur photography rather than actual pictures of himself. This guy is a walking stereotype, not just on Tinder but among millennials across the globe.
Boston University Class of 2019 / I like music, movies, and people.