I was dating two dudes, and it was ROUGH. Okay, I won’t complain, but here is how I chose to deal with it all.
I never ever thought that I would be the type of girl who would be into hooking up and casual dating. It is weird! I am the kind of person who either likes being alone or in a super tight, monogamous relationship. As a Scorpio (yes, I believe in that stuff), I get super paranoid and emotional so dating more than one person is not really my cup of tea, but here I am with a few lads wrapped around my fingers.
In September, my boyfriend and I called it quits. Ever since, I have been all on my own. It was fantastic at first until I began missing having a pal by my side at all times. It is nice to have someone to text all the time and cuddle at night. So, I downloaded Tinder and began messing with boys– I am so sorry to all of the poor men I tortured on there, it wasn’t fair to toy with you all.
Swiping began to get tedious and I wanted to get a bit more serious with someone again. That is when I began talking to boys all around me– in class, at clubs, on the street. I wanted to find someone organically and I did. I made the first move for some of them, for others, they began coming after me.
Before I knew it, boys were coming out of nowhere. It was wild at first and then I got a bit nervous. Who do I choose?! The first guy I started dating was someone I knew from school and we began to hang out regularly. It was fun and I liked him, but at the same time I felt nervous to really tie a knot. Can I do this again? That is when I met my second man. He and I also began to hang out and meet up. All of a sudden, I found myself dating two men. Wow! Unheard of for a dweeby girl like me! They took me out to dinner, we watched movies, we did coupley things. It was weird!
But, who did you choose?!?!
I know, this is the question! It took me a while to choose who to keep and who to let go. I have never had a situation like this and I never expected to be able to choose between suitors. Both of my lads had qualities that I loved, but I could not imagine being with either of them. I decided it would be best to let them both go. What?!?! I know, nutty right?
Yeah, it turns out I am not ready to be with one person right now. I loved being in a relationship, but by dating two different guys, I realized that I love freedom more– and no, I don’t mean in the sexual sense. I could choose who I wanted to hang out with or where we should go. I had the chance to be selfish for once. I never let myself be that way in any of my relationships, but here I was, calling the shots.
There is a certain type of freedom you have when you aren’t tied down to one specific person. There is no one really to answer to except yourself. I am working on myself right now, and I don’t think I am ready give myself to one person, let alone two, entirely at the moment. I know that once I find the right man, I will be ready again. He just hasn’t shown up yet.