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My friends always say that I should hate my ex now well, not hate him but feel negatively towards him. The media pretty much always portrays this story also. Like, I should miss him and sob while eating a barrel of ice cream for a little bit, but then after a few weeks I should hate his guts. For me, it’s been a bit longer than 2 weeks and I still miss him, but at the same time I don’t. It is such a weird paradox that I just can’t wrap my head around.
I’m not going to lie, I miss my ex constantly. I not only miss being his girlfriend and everything that comes with that but also hanging out with him and being his friend. I have often contemplated just texting him and saying something, but I feel like I am the one that closed that door. When we ended things, we said we would be friends, but how is that possible? I miss him so much, more than I miss my cat at home sometimes. It is the worst.
Whenever I miss my ex, I try and remember why we broke up. Our relationship just wasn’t working because we are both trying to figure out our lives and who we are (or at least who we think we are) because it’s college. It wasn’t our time. It will probably never be our time either. I think of that and initially, it hurts, but after a bit I am like, “yeah, I’m right!”
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I want to be friends with my ex-boyfriend. I do, really. In my heart of hearts, I know it won’t happen. I also know that it I probably just feel this way because I low key miss his affection. A friendship between the two of us would just not work, right now at least. I always have to add that right now because it makes me a little less sad about him. Lots of people are friends with their exes, and I think that’s great if it’s not awkward or dysfunctional. I wish that could be us, but I think right now it won’t work.
I miss my ex a lot and honestly, I kinda regret breaking up with him. I wish I fought a little harder for what we had and who we were. I always wonder if he feels the same, and he probably doesn’t. Our breakup was a mutual decision, but I think the underlying reasons and causes we slightly different. It sucks, but I everyday I miss him less. I miss him, but sorry (not sorry), I don’t.