I’ve seen this article before – tons of people have made lists of what constitutes having “No Chill” – so I have worked to create a master list – separated by degrees of “No Chill-ness”.
LEVEL ONE: NO CHILL
Requiring yourself to wait at least four minutes before texting anyone back because you can craft a paragraph-length response (with excellent grammatical finesse, btw) in less than 15 seconds.
Texting in all caps. Because everything is exciting.
Thinking absolutely everything is exciting.
Silently inserting the Law & Order: SVU sound effect in your head anytime someone says something scandalous.
Liking pretty much everything your friends post/share on Facebook because they’re your friends.
LEVEL TWO: NO CHILL
Putting eyeliner on only one eye and leaving the house that way because you suddenly realized that eating graham crackers sounded better than looking symmetrical.
Fact checking everything anyone says with Google.
Covering misspellings in text messages with your fingers so you don’t have to hate the person texting you.
Creating a playlist with the same song 13 times in a row.
Dragging the last page of your essay out of the printer because it’s taking too long and the ink smudges just make you look artsy.
Getting paranoid when your cat makes eye contact with you for too long.
Texting your best friend a 6-paragraph story about your day even though she hasn’t responded since you texted her three hours earlier.
You laugh about 5-6 seconds longer than is socially acceptable.
Getting 12 diseases deep on WebMD.
Being really excited when you get sunburnt enough to move up a foundation shade.
Locking your car twice – three times – just in case. (This one might be OCD)
LEVEL THREE: NO CHILL
Pulling your keys out of the ignition while on an onramp because they’re tickling your knee and you just can’t have that. Nevermind the fact that you’re trying to merge onto the freeway.
Screaming at Siri for not finding your music even though your phone is on Airplane Mode.
Screaming at Siri in general.
You have an Instagram page for your cat. (Escalate to level four if you have an Instagram page for your fish)
It’s apparent that these levels of “no-chill” can get out of hand. Feel free to share this with that one friend that you have that does these things and commiserate with friends that can relate. Until next time, avoid these at all costs!